Soothing Hands
by freakanature06
Summary: Shinji feels closer to Kaworu than he's ever felt to any other person. So much so that the other's presence easily calms him.


It wasn't long before Shinji began to view the time that he spent playing the piano with Kaworu as the best moments he had ever had in his life. Then again, he supposed that after what he'd been spending his time doing before that made almost anything look like a paradise. But it was more than that. Whenever he was with Kaworu, he felt an elation that he had never thought he could even try to feel before. Even when Kaworu wasn't around, just thinking about the other boy caused his stomach to flip and twist in ways that made him uncomfortable, but brought a smile to his face at the same time.

Every moment Shinji spent alone in his room, he spent thinking about playing the piano, sitting next to Kaworu, trying to impress the other boy with his improvements. No one had ever treated Shinji with as much compassion as Kaworu did on a daily basis.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts of Kaworu that the sudden knock on his door caught him totally by surprise, causing him to topple off of his bed, landing in a crumpled heap on the floor. Furiously embarrassed, Shinji scrambled to his feet and ran for the door, yanking it open as he fumbled over an apology.

"I'm so sorry it took me so lo—" His words stopped suddenly as he looked up to see Kaworu standing in the doorway. As usual, the other boy had a serene smile on his face, though he looked almost amused at Shinji's predicament. "N-Nagisa-kun…"

Shinji could feel the blush rising to his face as Kaworu leaned casually against the doorjamb. "Do not worry, Ikari-kun. I am sorry if I disturbed you, though."

"No, no, of course not!" Shinji opened the door a little wider and gestured for Kaworu to come in. "C-come on in. I was just… thinking about a chord progression." It sounded stupid to his ears and he had to force himself not to wince in response to himself.

Kaworu, however, seemed pleased as he stepped into the room, glancing around thoughtfully. "Really? Which one?"

This left Shinji feeling awkward again as he mindlessly sat on his bed, his hands clenching and unclenching nervously in his lap. "I… it's…" He trailed off and frowned at his hands in concentration. "I wasn't actually thinking of a chord progression." He mumbled the words after a few moments, sighing heavily shortly after.

A gentle shifting of the bed indicated Kaworu sitting next to him. Very suddenly, Shinji found himself hyper aware of the presence next to him. Of course, Kaworu was sitting a good deal closer to Shinji than could be deemed normal. And a moment later, Shinji felt the other boy's hand on his own. He didn't even realize that his face could feel any hotter than it already had, but it definitely did.

"You seem nervous." Kaworu's voice was soft and very close. Shinji could swear that he felt the breath of it on his neck and he tensed in response. "You do not need to be nervous, Ikari-kun." Kaworu's thumb began to rubbing soothing strokes over the back of Shinji's hand and Shinji could do nothing more than stare at it. "There is nothing to be nervous about."

But in Shinji's mind, there was plenty to be nervous about. And confused about as well. He had always been attracted to women. There was no question in his mind about what his preferences were. Kaworu threw that all into chaos. He made Shinji feel things he had never felt before and he touched Shinji in ways that no one else ever had. To top it all off, everything about being with Kaworu just felt right. Shinji couldn't even argue with himself that something was wrong, because Kaworu always made him feel right at home. And how could you argue with that?

A long time seemed to have passed when Shinji finally came out of his mind and nervously glanced at Kaworu. The other boy didn't seem perturbed by the length of time Shinji had been ignoring him at all. Yet another reason to like Kaworu added to the list.

"I'm sorry," Shinji finally managed to reply, his eyes travelling back to their hands. It was easier not to look at Kaworu while talking to him in this state. "I don't know what's gotten into me." A small laugh bubbled out of him, but he could tell it was from nerves more than anything. Without realizing it, he seemed to turned his hand to link his fingers with Kaworu's. He supposed that subconsciously, he just wanted to be closer to Kaworu.

The other boy didn't seem to mind. In fact, he squeezed Shinji's hand reassuringly. "Do you want me to leave? You are very preoccupied."

That caused an instantaneous reaction from Shinji that even he wasn't expecting. He tightened his grip on Kaworu's hand as his head shot up to look Kaworu directly in the face, words tumbling out of his mouth. "No, please! I really like having you around, it just makes me feel so nervous when I think about it, but that's okay! I don't mind the feeling. Please don't leave."

Shinji's reaction seemed to catch Kaworu off guard for once. The other boy's eyes widened in surprise before he schooled his features back into that serene smile, leaning forward to press his forehead against Shinji's, squeezing his hand gently. "Alright, I will stay here."

His words relaxed Shinji, and even though his face being so near to Shinji's own sent his stomach into turmoil, he didn't mind. It was nice to be so close to someone and to feel so… safe.

"Thank you."


End file.
